Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood
- Downloads：1823
- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2022-12-08 00:19:34
- Update Date：2025-09-07
- Status：finish
- Author：Jessica Grose
- ISBN：006307835X
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
Reviews
Naomi Campbell
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I can't really say my rating is fair because I just stopped reading。 I didn't read very far at all。 I probably didn't even get to the second chapter。 It just wasn't what I thought it was going to be， first off。 But then I was still going to read， realizing it wasn't what I thought， but okay。 Then nope。 I was like， "Ah， this is too hard to read。 This is like reading a textbook。 I feel like I'm going to have to make charts and graphs to go with it and tell what I learned。" Not what I'm in the mood I can't really say my rating is fair because I just stopped reading。 I didn't read very far at all。 I probably didn't even get to the second chapter。 It just wasn't what I thought it was going to be， first off。 But then I was still going to read， realizing it wasn't what I thought， but okay。 Then nope。 I was like， "Ah， this is too hard to read。 This is like reading a textbook。 I feel like I'm going to have to make charts and graphs to go with it and tell what I learned。" Not what I'm in the mood for in this stage of life with two kiddos in high school and me as teacher/observer。 I mean， right， that's probably what she's talking about in this very book， because yeah， the title caught my interest。 Screaming on the inside？ Yep， sometimes。 Yep。 There were already so many facts and statistics and numbers and those little footnote things to keep it all legit and cited correctly and cross-referenced or whatever。。。I just。。。I can't。 So。。。I'm not gonna。 I walked it over to a Little Free Library and someone else can enjoy it， I'm sure。 I think maybe I need something lighter and more comedic， but she probably is totally truly onto something and someone--not me--can learn a lot from reading this book， and be able to persevere in raising their children with the values they want to in this insane world that has its own （so many） agendas。 But I felt like， "Yeah， I might start screaming on the inside trying to keep reading this。" So that's why I can't really truly rate it。 I didn't read it， and I don't really know， but these are my thoughts， and this is now going on my "not gonna read after all" shelf。 。。。more
Kitty Jay
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I'm not quite finished - it turns out if you have a toddler， there's a lot of screaming on the outside as well - but so far， I've been enjoying it。Grose started out talking about her vision of pregnancy， as formed by social media and the general glowing depiction of a beautiful moment， almost goddess-like， in tune with your body。。。 maybe with an occasional joke about swollen ankles， if you're watching a comedy， and how her expectations were turned upside down。 I just had a sneaking suspicion， an I'm not quite finished - it turns out if you have a toddler， there's a lot of screaming on the outside as well - but so far， I've been enjoying it。Grose started out talking about her vision of pregnancy， as formed by social media and the general glowing depiction of a beautiful moment， almost goddess-like， in tune with your body。。。 maybe with an occasional joke about swollen ankles， if you're watching a comedy， and how her expectations were turned upside down。 I just had a sneaking suspicion， and was proven right: like me， she had hyperemesis gravidarum during pregnancy， a special sort of hell characterized by excessive vomiting。 It's often been described as "very bad morning sickness" which doesn't even come close to explaining how miserable it really is。Like me， she quickly had to revise ALL expectations of motherhood from it。 She had the same suspicious nature toward all aspects of motherhood after that （similar to myself）: attachment parenting， breastfeeding， everything。 She writes about the idea that women are supposed to be perfect mothers: making social media perfect lunch boxes for their kids， keeping a spotless house， posting daily on their blog thanking Jesus for their beautiful family， working full time， and never forgetting to feed the dog， all in the same hours as everyone else。 And God forbid you say that you're suffering， or that you sometimes hate it， or that you will never do it again。 How dare you？ How dare you commit the cardinal sin: the one that says that if you don't sacrifice your entire being for a minimal chance of an increase of 1 point on your kid's IQ test then you must be a 。。。 *gasp* Bad Mom。It's so insidious that even hinting that you like to have alone time or that you chose not to breastfeed or wear your baby 24/7 or anything is tantamount to abuse。 I actually have been openly told that， because I *could* breastfeed but chose not to， I was abusing my kid。 My beautiful， 99th percentile height and weight hitting all her milestones early kid。 I guess if that's abuse， she got off pretty easy。The writing can be a bit uneven - the first chapter especially seemed to jump around and seems scattered， like she was trying to make a point and was shoving everything she had found forward， but lacked a cohesive thesis that would have made it sharp and incisive， but she quickly found her footing in later chapters。I'll update as I finish。 。。。more
Meghan ReadsBooks
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four stars for being a conversation starter， 3。5 for I feel a somewhat narrow scope in places。 As someone who has felt the lived pressure of simply being a woman， took a complex journey to motherhood， I also want to invite people who might relate to this book because they work in caring professions， they mentor， they are asked to enact nurturing/care。。。 etc。 I think this book can speak in ways to a bigger audience。 Read on to see strengths and limitations， my humble opinions。 Overall this is a c four stars for being a conversation starter， 3。5 for I feel a somewhat narrow scope in places。 As someone who has felt the lived pressure of simply being a woman， took a complex journey to motherhood， I also want to invite people who might relate to this book because they work in caring professions， they mentor， they are asked to enact nurturing/care。。。 etc。 I think this book can speak in ways to a bigger audience。 Read on to see strengths and limitations， my humble opinions。 Overall this is a conversation starterThis is the non fiction book I want （some， see below） people reading and giving for the holidays， it is important and necessary as we move into whatever is coming next for us with pandemic， racial/ethnic trauma， and unpacking how we support women in their many roles。 Jessica Grose uses research effectively and offers conversations and insights about why （important to talk about the WHY） motherhood as we have been socialized to think， talk， and act it is problematic and not sustainable （and that it is ok that it is not sustainable as is but 。。。 then what？ let's talk！）。I can see as well that many can take a book like this and say well just ask/speak up/it's not that bad。。。 but that is the point right？ Women are so busy in all ways and mothers in particular （I don't want to ignore that these conversations can be about all women in many ways） and underrepresented women are largely invisible/ignored or judged/retaliated against for asking for or needing help。 There is privilege is thinking speaking up/asking for help will be enough when many women haven't been given that agency。My concerns which I think will be common: a book like this lands for only some women and some moms。。。 I think this is acknowledged in the book， one writer can't be all voices so I respect not trying to do that to be honest， but a full conversation needs and must have diverse voices， I hope publishers will be seeking out complementary voices from diverse mothering lives。 Please seek out and invite these voices and reviewers as well。 The impact of the past 2-3 years （and beyond） has to be examined from intersectional lenses。I also understood the point of the social media chapter but at the same time， perhaps an opportunity lost to think about how those very women can also be influencers for change if we invite them in to the bigger theme of motherhood。 If they are possibly symbolic of motherhood and its problematic portrayal 。。。。 invite that conversation but don't shut down the talk before it can begin。 I would not be surprised that many of those women are screaming inside too， aren't we all？ I did not disagree with the points being made but I am also not someone who lives in the social media spaces discussed， I can't really say what it is really like。I value the chance to review this timely work， it spoke to me as a woman who became a first time mother during the pandemic and who at the same time was and is navigating an increasingly untenable space in higher education， a space that did not allow for me to have caregiving needs valued and forced impossible choices at times。 Screaming inside daily， a bit more outside too with other women who feel the same way。Thank you Mariner for allowing me the chance to read this via review ebook on NetGalley 。。。more
Kim McGee
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There are only a handful of books about mothering that will have 60 year old grandmothers shouting in agreement as much as their daughters and some granddaughters are。 This is one of them。 While we have made some improvements in the workforce we have not taken any great strides in correcting the misconceptions and reality of becoming a mother。 The author takes us through her pregnancies， births， hidden costs and adjustments where she found herself in a hostile environment trapped between guilt a There are only a handful of books about mothering that will have 60 year old grandmothers shouting in agreement as much as their daughters and some granddaughters are。 This is one of them。 While we have made some improvements in the workforce we have not taken any great strides in correcting the misconceptions and reality of becoming a mother。 The author takes us through her pregnancies， births， hidden costs and adjustments where she found herself in a hostile environment trapped between guilt and frustration at not being able to live up to the "super mom" myth。 Social media， the work culture and dealing with the guilt of staying at home and giving up a successful career you have spent time and money creating to the guilt of trying to have both and failing at both。 The author gives a no frills honest account of what she sees as an impossible situation with unattainable goals。 The odds are stacked against new moms and it is just one jenga piece away from falling down。 My thanks to the publisher for the advance copy。 。。。more
Laura
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I just finished reading "Screaming on the Inside - The Unsustainability of American Motherhood"。 Although I very much enjoyed the author's historical overview of the place and treatment of mothers and women， I felt the rest of the book to be very one sided， judgmental and opinionated。 It seems that the author feels woman are judged and held to such high standards that it causes undue mental stress。 The author felt as though she didn't fit in or was being judged by the mommy group she joined and I just finished reading "Screaming on the Inside - The Unsustainability of American Motherhood"。 Although I very much enjoyed the author's historical overview of the place and treatment of mothers and women， I felt the rest of the book to be very one sided， judgmental and opinionated。 It seems that the author feels woman are judged and held to such high standards that it causes undue mental stress。 The author felt as though she didn't fit in or was being judged by the mommy group she joined and then by the comments to her postings。 Why is she worrying and so fixated on what others are doing？ As adults and couples or single people raising children， we can make the decisions that are best for us and our families。 Your measure of success is how happy you and your family are with every day life with the little you have or the plenty you have。 Measuring yourself up against social media celebrities is ridiculous。 Social media can have its place but it certainly shouldn't define what is right or wrong or if you're a good mother or woman worker。Her 2 examples of the women who never checked to see when their medical insurance started or when their paid leave kicked in I found silly。 Am I supposed to feel sorry for people that weren't responsible enough to research such important points before taking their jobs。 I found that to be a sign of immaturity。 I made decisions about my jobs by ensuring the coverages I needed were in place。 I stayed at jobs that were not perfect because I needed to ensure my family had the medical insurance we needed。 I know that is not the reality for all and I do know programs are needed to assist。The pandemic was and still is a global crisis。 The programs available were not perfect but companies and people did amazing jobs to fill gaps and help employees。 Programs were put in place to help。 It wasn't perfect but during a war or global crisis， you're not going to find perfect。I think the author's out right dislike for specific bloggers was not necessary。 By the end of the book I wasn't even sure of her messages intent。 Was she trying to voice her opinion about social issues we are facing or was she trying to say women need additional maternity leave， etc。？ It really wasn't clear since she clouded her intent with extraneous information。 I do believe the author's writing flows。 If she kept to her original topic and brought an unbiased view of current state forward， I would have loved this book。Goodreads， thank you for your giveaway。 。。。more
Sarah K
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I related so much to Jessica Grose's Screaming on the Inside。 This book about American motherhood， specifically regarding my experience as a white， middle class/upper middle class working mom made me feel understood especially as we are starting to emerge from the covid-19 pandemic。 I say "starting to emerge" as that is， of course， debatable and highly related to your position on a variety of issues。 That debate aside， this book was smart， well organized， highly researched， and great in a lot of I related so much to Jessica Grose's Screaming on the Inside。 This book about American motherhood， specifically regarding my experience as a white， middle class/upper middle class working mom made me feel understood especially as we are starting to emerge from the covid-19 pandemic。 I say "starting to emerge" as that is， of course， debatable and highly related to your position on a variety of issues。 That debate aside， this book was smart， well organized， highly researched， and great in a lot of ways。 The historical background for how we got here - for why motherhood is tough nowadays - was the best part of the book for me。 The pressures moms face （and let's be real - have faced forever） are too real， and I appreciated how the author tied these to changing cultural norms， tradition， and habits。 There were two parts of this book that I didn't like， though， that knocked my rating of this book down from a 4-4。5 star book to a solid 3 star book。 The first was that there was a judgmental tone throughout quite a bit of this book。 I felt the author did acknowledge her class and her privilege often， but this seemed mainly in the realms of finances。 That is important， of course， but I felt like there was an underlying tone of judgment about the moms who want to stay home， the bloggers who choose to be influencers， etc。 I hated seeing specific names of influencers and bloggers in this book。 It did not seem necessary - why bring down a mom who has chosen （for whatever reason） to live a lifestyle different from yours？The second part that I found to be negative was just a lack of diversity in the examples of moms who struggle with expectations and the unsustainability of American motherhood （as it is purported to be）。 Much of this book just seemed very set on the white， middle class/upper middle class working mom experience。 I felt the book could have been richer if the scope was expanded just a bit。 Finally， I don't fault the author for this。。。 but while I felt like this book made me feel seen - it did not offer me hope or encouragement for how I could enact change。 Seems like a missed opportunity。 There were some examples in a closing chapter， but it did not feel transferrable to average Jane mom of three living in Minneapolis。 It's tough， I get it。。。 so as long as you expect this to feel like a venting session （an educational venting session） with a friend/therapist， great， but if you are looking for actual change I found that to be absent here。 I am glad I read this book though！ There is more work to do for mamas。 :） Thank you to the author， publisher， and NetGalley for the advanced ebook copy。 All opinions are my own。 。。。more
Cheryl Klein
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The state of American motherhood that Grose describes won't be unfamiliar to most mothers: a haphazard system of work， benefits， childcare， and parenting demands held together by duct tape and imagination， at the expense of women。 If the environment is shitty for women like herself （white， educated， married， with relatively flexible and supportive jobs）， it's near impossible for working class women and single mothers。 The pandemic shed a light on inequities in work/life "balance，" but in 2022， i The state of American motherhood that Grose describes won't be unfamiliar to most mothers: a haphazard system of work， benefits， childcare， and parenting demands held together by duct tape and imagination， at the expense of women。 If the environment is shitty for women like herself （white， educated， married， with relatively flexible and supportive jobs）， it's near impossible for working class women and single mothers。 The pandemic shed a light on inequities in work/life "balance，" but in 2022， it seems like we're back to business as usual。 Grose is diligent in her research， far-reaching in her interviews， and candid in her language。 She devotes a latter section of the book to women working toward solutions， but it's hard not to feel how far we are from the revolution we need。 Late-stage capitalism is bad for families; this isn't news。 But maybe if people keep saying it， it will make some headlines。 Maybe。 。。。more
Shannon S。
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** Received a free copy from Goodreads Giveaway**I really liked this book。 I read it in two days， which is atypical for me。 As someone who wants to be a mom one day but is scared of all the pressure and choices and needing to feel like I make the right choice， this book was comforting for me and helped me see the big picture。 I know there’s a million ways to be a good parent， but looking at how we culturally got here was very interesting。 I didn’t love that during the social media chapter she sa ** Received a free copy from Goodreads Giveaway**I really liked this book。 I read it in two days， which is atypical for me。 As someone who wants to be a mom one day but is scared of all the pressure and choices and needing to feel like I make the right choice， this book was comforting for me and helped me see the big picture。 I know there’s a million ways to be a good parent， but looking at how we culturally got here was very interesting。 I didn’t love that during the social media chapter she said the names of certain instagrammers she didn’t like。 I get that that made sense for the journalistic approach， but it felt aggressive。 We would still get the point without seeing their names。 。。。more
Rachael | Booklist Queen
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Explaining the roots of modern motherhood， Jessica Grose explains why our expectations of American motherhood today are unsustainable and harmful。 Weaving her personal narrative of how pregnancy and motherhood affected her life and career， Grose points out the flaws in how the American culture perceives motherhood and what to do about it。Lately， I have had a fascination with books about motherhood and gender equality， so Screaming on the Inside seemed right up my alley。 Yet the book was only oka Explaining the roots of modern motherhood， Jessica Grose explains why our expectations of American motherhood today are unsustainable and harmful。 Weaving her personal narrative of how pregnancy and motherhood affected her life and career， Grose points out the flaws in how the American culture perceives motherhood and what to do about it。Lately， I have had a fascination with books about motherhood and gender equality， so Screaming on the Inside seemed right up my alley。 Yet the book was only okay。 Grose presents plenty of intriguing facts， but the book lacked the passion to really fire me up。 In the end， I agreed with her premise， yet wasn't left with any suggestions of what to do about any of it。I received a complimentary copy of this book from Mariner Books through Netgalley。 Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own。 。。。more
Tricia | ReadingRowans
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Jessica Grose’s NYT Parenting newsletter is one of the few things I regularly read in my inbox。 Her style there carries over in this book that’s part history， part new reporting and research， and part personal reflection。 I really enjoyed this even if at times it made me want to pull my hair out in frustration over the pace or lack of change over decades of American motherhood。 I appreciated that the book never veered into utter despair but rather highlighted pockets of hope and optimism。 Thanks Jessica Grose’s NYT Parenting newsletter is one of the few things I regularly read in my inbox。 Her style there carries over in this book that’s part history， part new reporting and research， and part personal reflection。 I really enjoyed this even if at times it made me want to pull my hair out in frustration over the pace or lack of change over decades of American motherhood。 I appreciated that the book never veered into utter despair but rather highlighted pockets of hope and optimism。 Thanks to NetGalley and Mariner for the early copy。 All opinions are my own。 。。。more
Kate
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